Could

I’m not sure if I would say I don’t love him anymore but I definitely resent my dad. He shot himself 6 days before my 14th birthday which first of all as petty as it sounds really right before my fucking birthday. But it’s seriously messed me and my sisters up, I feel like since my dad didn’t love me no guy ever will which is why I always end up in terrible relationships because I think I don’t deserve love. It’s hard for me to love him because I still have all of this resentment towards him and how he could just leave

I was thinking while reading this reply to a topic “Those who hate your parents, why?”

the choice of the modial verb could: “…how he could just leave” vs. “…how he just left.”

there is an assumed power when could is used, as oppose to a more factual statement from the perfect past.

 

Demonstrative determiners

Demonstrative determiners(This, that, these, and those) can be used to accomplish a variety of linguistic techniques. Here are a few that I’ve noticed.

Sign of intelligence

Determiners can be used to signify a level of intelligence. Take this scenario as an example: There are two men in one room, both are on other sides of the room but both notice the same lady entering room.

The first man says:

Look at that.

The second says:

Take a look at the girl in black that just walked in.

The first man uses that to completely describe his observation. The person he’s talking to has to look at the first man to see where he’s looking to understand what he’s talking about. It can be assumed the first man speaks from a personal point of view, and does not care about attention drawn to his stares.

The second man describes his observation. The person he’s talking to does not need to look at the second man. The person can simply look around the room for the girl in black. It can be assumed the second man is more coy, and more intelligent.

The usage of demonstrative determiners can be used to portray people who are more sensory-focused than verbal. Similarly to children at a restaurant who point at menu items and say:

I want that.

The above comes across off as unintelligible. Compare this to how parents order at a restauraunt:

I’d like to try the Shrimp Alfredo please.

The next two topics are concepts I learned from a linguistic class. The book is cited at the bottom of the post.

Given vs. New information (Short, 266)

Using the demonstrative determiners in prose can indicate prior knowledge of the topic, and thus a level of rapport.

To begin a conversation with:

The school…

Begs the question, what school? If a male professor is telling his wife a story and begins with, “The school” then it can be assumed the wife knows which school he’s talking about. If the addressee is not mentioned in the text beforehand, then we can still assume a level of rapport between the addressor-addressee because of the use of the demonstrative determiners.

The same can be used for pronouns:

He did it again…

This could be in reference to a lethargic student continued to sleep through another lecture.

She’s out of control…

This could be in reference to the poor behaviour of their kin at school.

In media res (Short, 267)

The in media res is the using the concept from before (given vs. new information) but using it to achieve a sensory reaction (suspense, fear, excitement) from the reader not knowing what the speakers are talking about rather than a level of rapport.

The deal went through.

What deal? Is it drug-related? Why is the speaker being vague? There must be something illegal going on.

We can’t let that happen again

If the scene starts off like this, immediately our interest is piqued. What are the characters talking about? Let what happen again? Was it so bad that there must be an agreement between people to prevent the same event happening twice?

Books Cited:

Short, Mick. Exploring the Language of Poems, Plays and Prose. Addison Wesley Longman Limited, 1996.

Grammar Study

I’ve been wanting to study formal grammar for a while now. This is because I want to write fictional stories. Learning grammar could also help me get my point across in my university essays.

I already own E.B. Grammar mini book which helped a little bit. After doing some research, it was highly recommended I choose a more thicker read. I’ve chosen to go with McGraw-Hill Handbook of English Grammar and Usage.

My goal is to cover all that’s in this book. I’ll be editing this post with a table of contents. The book itself has organized the information nicely, but I think the umbrella terms used are fairly arbitrary. I’ll be comparing my book to online courses and creating my own syllabus.

I’ll be publishing a page of information on each topic of grammar I choose to write about in typical fashion, contrasting verb tenses to other verb tenses, and writing how the topic can be used to influence a different meaning in a sentence (Mostly to do with syntax, which is naturally interesting as a writer).

I hope you join me on my journey to learning english grammar.

Happyness and Success

The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

I’ve thought about the relationship between happiness and success. We generally want both things. But how can we be either, if we are neither? If we are presently unhappy and unsuccessful, what do we do? Can we make something from nothing?

First, lets define happiness. There are many hues of happiness but the most commonly identified concept of happiness is achieved by result-based success. These people are only happy if they are successful in areas like: friendship, romances, academia, the workplace, or attaining materialistic possessions.

Then there’s behavior-based happiness. One that is achieved when you do positive and productive behaviors. Like exercising, eating right, sleeping early and getting up early, working hard in both school and work, dressing well.

Both types of happiness have the same goals, and we’ll use the example of romantic relationships as an example to show the differences between the two systems of happiness. Lets say two people both exercise and dress well. This increases their chances of finding a romantic interest. A person who subscribes to a behavior-based system of happiness will be happy after only exercising and dressing well. A person who believes in the result-based system will not feel anything unless they engage in a romantic relationship. So although both persons actions are the exact same, their goals (good behavior vs. good results) affects their happiness.

If someone is in a result-based system and is finding results, are they wrong? Well no, but they are reliant on an external source (results). What will happen to them if they no longer find results? Will they continue working as hard, getting up as early, exercising as long?

The answer is probably not.

Result-based people compare themselves to an image of who they should be. They have a clear concept of the types of friends, romances they should have. How successful they should be in academia and the workplace. The glamorous materialistic possessions. The social status.

When these expectations are not met, they will feel inferior, depressed, anxious, and an onslaught of other negative emotions. These negative emotions weigh us down like anchors. How can we swim if we’ve got an anchor chained to our foot?

Is the answer to think ourselves plain and remove our ideas of an exceptional self? No, we’ve just got to rewire our brain so that we can function to achieve those things we want, without relying on success to be happy. Our happiness cannot be result-based, it must be behavior-based. Though our end goal, materialistically, may be the same, choosing the right routes can be the deciding factor of achieving our goals.

Just a rough idea on my mind this Monday afternoon.

League of legends

I’ve finally started to like this game again. All that I needed to do was to stop taking the game so seriously.

Why does it matter if I demote? Why does my ranking matter in the grand scheme of things? It won’t change anything today, tomorrow, or even months from now. What’s the difference between staying Diamond 3 for 3 weeks versus fluctuating low diamonds and climbing back to Diamond 3 at week 3?

My ladder ranking doesn’t mean anything to me. My ladder ranking doesn’t tell me how good I am. All my ladder ranking is good for is to pair me up with better players, making the game more challenging.

All I know is that I’m going to keep on trying my best, and keep on performing on what I think is a challenger tier skill level.

It’s funny how we can use lessons learned in video games for real life.

To: 3411 Avenue Rd.

Hi Grandma,

I’ve started a blog! Here is where you can keep up with me. You’ll find me sharing personal thoughts, fictional writing, and some open-source web applications. On occasion, you can also find me publishing arbitrary reviews for films and book.

I hope you’ve received this message justly. I’ve hopefully earned by now the respect of the letterman, so hopefully he hasn’t tampered with my letter.

And I know, how impersonal of a letter. Well, yes, I guess this letter was pretty impersonal.

I’ll write again soon grams!

– Sir John the First